Counselling for Secrets and Lies in Haywards Heath and Beyond

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Those of us who have seen Desperate Housewives or similar will be all too aware that underneath the twitching curtains of civilised communities lies a wealth of secret and lies going on.  “Not in Haywards Heath some may say”. 

I would say there are secret and lies everywhere.  It is highly unlikely that you can have a secret without a lie being told.  A classic one is “How are you?”.  Most of us will say “Fine”   but are we always really, “Fine”!   We all tend to judge a book by its cover but a cover is only that.  Hidden behind the face that we show the World, we can hide a multitude of issues and sadnesses.  Sometimes these issues are current and raw but sometimes the wounds are held deep in the recesses of our minds and souls.

So what secrets and lies are we hiding?

Sometimes we try desperately to conceal the fact that we drink too much or abuse substances and how bad we feel about that.  Sometimes when we are living with someone who has an addiction we try desperately to figure out why, and what is going on and what we can do about it as we try to conceal this fact without letting others know how we feel.

Sometimes we try to conceal our anger and feel bad that it erupts in violence.  The shame and guilt we feel as the recipient of “their” violent outburst and the lies about how we got the bruises and the shame we feel in “letting it happen”.

Sometimes we try to fight for our self when “they” verbally abuse us and feel more and more worn out.  Sometimes we feel the guilt and shame in being the abuser as the relationship, and the abused, begin to breakdown.

Sometimes we keep the secret when we are being sexually abused by those more controlling or stronger than us – keeping it so well that we keep it all through our lives, tripping us up all the way through.

The lies we tell to cover our secrets are endless, and they are tiring, and they keep us trapped and isolated.  So why do many of us do it?

For some it is the shame of what they have been through/or what you are doing or have done – how can they tell anyone about it!  They may feel that they would be judged and that talking about it won’t change anything.    As a counsellor, whilst I can see that this may be the thoughts that keep people stuck as we are all human.  But no one can go through either side of addiction, violence, sexual abuse etc. without it affecting every part of their life if not dealt with.

SO if you are holding some deep secret be assured that talking about it, in confidence, will help.  True it will not change the past but it can make a huge difference to the present and future.   A counsellor does not judge and we can give you the space to air your feelings in order that you can begin to put down the heavy burden those secrets and lies put on us.

Here are some other thoughts ……….

 

“Secrets are like plants. They can stay buried deep in the earth for a long time, but eventually they’ll send up shoots and give themselves away. They have to. It’s their nature. Just a tiny green stem at first. Which slowly,  insidiously grows taller, stronger, unfolding itself, until there it is. A big fat secret, right in front of your face; a fully bloomed flower perfumed with the scent of deception.”
Judy Reene Singer from Still Life With Elephant

 

“And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.”
Sylvia Plath from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

 

“The first step towards change is acceptance.  Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change.  That’s all you have to do.  Change is not something you do, it’s something you allow”

Will Garcia

 

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